Recap & Looking Ahead to 9.24.26

Last week we officially began Six Essentials for Married Life.

Naturally, half the group disappeared.

Some had sick kids.
Children remain undefeated against plans.

Some had birthdays.
We have not yet pulled public records to verify this.

Some had conferences.
Apparently, there were larger, more engaging groups available.

Some simply vanished.
We assume they remain married and wish them well.

Tom and Sarah decided the 90-minute round trip each week was simply too much. We’re bummed to lose them, completely understand, and are really glad we got to know them.

They assured us the feeling is mutual.

About liking us, not leaving.

Their teenage daughters remain available for babysitting.

Around 6:45 p.m., our group of 16 had been reduced to 7.

And thus began our study of marriage.

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Intentionality

Much of our conversation came back to one word:

Intentionality

Marriage has a way of turning extraordinary things into ordinary things.

Someone does the dishes. Packs the lunches. Takes out the trash. Handles the calendar. Gets a child where they need to go. Makes dinner. Remembers the thing you forgot.

Do those things long enough, and acts of love can quietly become expectations.

Nobody decides that should happen. It just does.

So, part of intentionality is simply noticing again.

Notice the little things your spouse does that make your life better. Acknowledge them. Say thank you. Don’t let something once appreciated become something merely expected.

Intentionality also shows up in how we interpret one another.

We talked about making a conscious decision to expect the best of our spouse’s intentions rather than filling in the blanks with the worst possible explanation.

“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.”

Philippians 4:8

That doesn’t mean pretending problems don’t exist. It means being careful about the story we tell ourselves about the person we love before we’ve taken the time to ask, listen, and understand.

And some things require more planning.

Date nights. Time alone. Getting away together.

Putting something on the calendar before work, children, sports, school, and everything else fills it.

Based on Thursday’s attendance, we acknowledge that scheduling can present certain challenges.

Communication

Everyone agreed that clear, consistent, honest communication is essential to a healthy marriage.

We solved marriage.

Unfortunately, despite knowing this, we remain remarkably gifted at getting it wrong.

Often.

Sometimes we hold things in. We don’t want conflict. The timing isn’t right. We’re tired. We’ll deal with it later.

Later accumulates interest.

Other times, we say plenty, just not particularly well. We respond before listening. We defend before understanding. We speak before deciding whether what we’re about to say is true, helpful, or even what we really mean.

James offered useful advice roughly 2,000 years before our group text:

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

James 1:19

Quick to listen.

Slow to speak.

There’s an uncomfortable amount of wisdom packed into six words.

Thanks, James. 🤘

Continued Learning

We continued to learn more about each other.

The process remains largely unregulated.

Hands-On Marriage

Michelle revealed that David has some difficulty sitting still.

Always moving.

Always doing something.

His hands and fingers, always fidgeting.

Fortunately, she also reported that those busy hands produce excellent head and foot rubs in the evening.

After group, Jason got David’s cell number.

We assume this is unrelated.

A Deep and Abiding Love

Jason, meanwhile, talked more Thursday night than he had during the previous two meetings combined.

Possibly more than he has in the previous 18 months.

We learned that he has a deep and abiding love for marriage retreats and conferences.

Right, Jason?

Kim appears to be the reason any of these retreats happen.

She manages the calendar.

Jason promotes the benefits.

Every successful organization needs both sales and operations.

No Boundaries

Robb spoke from the heart about how instrumental marriage retreats have been for him and Jackie, giving them insight and tools they continue to use in their marriage.

Which brings us to Jackie.

She wasn’t there.

She had a “Boundaries” conference.

Robb came to group anyway.

Alone.

To talk about their marriage.

This man knows no boundaries.

And given what he shared Thursday, confirmed.

Jackie, bless your heart.

Hands-Off Marriage

Eventually, we arrived at the Five Love Languages.

Words of Affirmation. Quality Time. Receiving Gifts. Acts of Service. Physical Touch.

Jenna informed the group that Physical Touch is a language she no longer speaks in this particular season of her life.

She has lost all fluency.

In fact, she would prefer that Will not touch her.

At all.

Ever.

Will was already aware of the language barrier.

He was not aware it would be publicly announced.

Rosetta Stone cannot help him.

Later, Jenna spoke deeply and affectionately about the things she appreciates and celebrates in Will.

Will reciprocated just as sincerely.

The meaning was there.

The words and delivery, considerably less affectionate.

Fortunately, Jenna remains fluent in Will.

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Change of Venue

Following last week’s mass disappearance, Will and Jenna have decided the appropriate leadership response is to retreat to an island.

Puerto Rico, specifically.

This is not abandonment.

It is an off-site marriage retreat.

Highly recommended by Jason.

Please respect our journey.

As a result, we are NOT meeting at Will and Jenna’s home on Thursday.

Instead, we’ll meet at David and Michelle’s home, who’ve graciously offered to host.

Thursday, September 24
6:30–8:00 p.m.

David & Michelle’s House
1051 Pegasus Farm Lane
Alpharetta, GA 30004

David and Michelle, Godspeed.

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This Thursday: Part 2
Six Essentials for Married Life

This week we continue with Hurry Home and Nurture Romance.

Ted and Nancie focus on prioritizing your spouse, continuing to pursue one another, and being intentional about the everyday moments when couples connect.

Before Thursday, watch the video together and consider one question:

What does romance look like for you in this season of your marriage?

Not when you were dating.

Not before children.

Not on your honeymoon.

Now.

Speaking on behalf of the Adams, “leave me alone and don’t touch me” is apparently one possible answer.

We’ll see what everyone else comes up with.

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Schedule

Put the dates on the calendar.

* Service outing can be any day of this week or weekend.
** Date tentatively set for a Tuesday. Discuss best date for group.

See everyone soon…

…maybe.